It's just all too sudden

This person was always there...but just all of a sudden - stands out of all...
You don't really know what is going on his mind.
The mere glance at this person you feel like smiling.
The mere thought of this person has the same effect.
It effects me the same - just like after a cup of coffee...
And it never ever cross your mind - this person.
Your heart asks you to trust your feeling. Your mind tells you its to good to be true...
Sometimes there isn't an explanation for everything- I know.
But there is just so much question unanswered. and without the answers - I fear.
and yet - I do not have the courage to seek the answer.
My heart ask me to hang on and find out, my heart trusts its instinct.
My mind tells me i cannot risk anymore.
It does seems all too sudden...
Anyways - i thank you...from the bottom of my broken heart - you lighted my days for the past week. and i am grateful even if it is already - the end. I truly enjoyed.

Seize the day is the saying...
Cheers to however long this beautiful feeling remains....

Fear

We are always controlled by fear. What humans are most afraid of?Rejection-Loneliness, all in all - HURT.

We often protect ourselves, overly doing so...Distance ourselves, Never showing our true feelings, Always make assumptions and sometimes lying to ourselves just to keep ourselves away from pain.

In the past, I have been daring. I have been bold. I always think, whats the worst that could happen? The hurt will eventually fade. After a few times, you will never think the same...Tears will not come anymore, the heart ache-ing pain remains...and you feel like you cannot let it out. And most painful of all..I start to loose myself. Loosing my pure heart is the worst of all - which includes my hope and faith...

Now i can proudly claim...I'm tired...I can't risk being hurt anymore...
My heart is week and my mind does not listens to it anymore.
And my mind is controlling instead...which I know what I'm missing...
Missing all the opportunity to seek paradise - love and all the wonderful stuff..which the mind is not capable of identifying...
But I am afraid..to let my heart open free again...

Guess what? I got a "Trust your heart" gratitude stone from the New Year winter solstice retreat 2010...Well..i m trying (perhaps not enough) or else this post will not appear!haha..but its a good thing..i suddenly realized...I have not been trusting my heart.....

Control

I come from a point of view whereby its all up to me. Just like the saying if its up to be..its up to me..This few years experience taught me otherwise...Sometimes its not everything that i can control.

Things were far more simpler when we are young. We fall - We cry - We get up - We try again and again. They do not recognise the pain...Only one thing on their mind - they are clear where they want to go and what they want. They don't understand the people beside them telling them to stop. As we grow up...We fall - We cry - We get up - We try again, the only difference is till a point of time...We give up. And we keep being affected with what others advise us to do...
I try very hard to live no regrets, I put in my 100% best effort, and yet it is not enough...I always what more can I do. I seek for the white light for support, it regains my power...but when the dark clouds interferes it outshines my white light...

Life is like a spinning wheel - sometimes you are up & sometimes you are down. Smile you're lucky when you're up there..but don't forget that you've been down there.....This is just so true...
I am always thankful when I am up there...As it has to take your moments down there and make your effort to get back up...

People always say, don't give up on hope, don't give up on faith...but if you had been let down to many a times...it's really difficult to hold on...you just feel like giving up all and free yourself!

mixed emotions

can i handle it?
am i willing to risk another heart breakdown..
i often wonder is there really a problem with me..?
everytime when i'm close to something..*phoof* it's gone...