Fear

We are always controlled by fear. What humans are most afraid of?Rejection-Loneliness, all in all - HURT.

We often protect ourselves, overly doing so...Distance ourselves, Never showing our true feelings, Always make assumptions and sometimes lying to ourselves just to keep ourselves away from pain.

In the past, I have been daring. I have been bold. I always think, whats the worst that could happen? The hurt will eventually fade. After a few times, you will never think the same...Tears will not come anymore, the heart ache-ing pain remains...and you feel like you cannot let it out. And most painful of all..I start to loose myself. Loosing my pure heart is the worst of all - which includes my hope and faith...

Now i can proudly claim...I'm tired...I can't risk being hurt anymore...
My heart is week and my mind does not listens to it anymore.
And my mind is controlling instead...which I know what I'm missing...
Missing all the opportunity to seek paradise - love and all the wonderful stuff..which the mind is not capable of identifying...
But I am afraid..to let my heart open free again...

Guess what? I got a "Trust your heart" gratitude stone from the New Year winter solstice retreat 2010...Well..i m trying (perhaps not enough) or else this post will not appear!haha..but its a good thing..i suddenly realized...I have not been trusting my heart.....